Friends Who Play The Victim

Self-development is a constant journey. It’s a process of try and error, from which you figure out the best way to handle different situations at each stage in life.

When I look back to when I first came to univerisity in September, there is no doubt that I have grown a lot – finding out things that matter and things that don’t, what I should focus my energy on and what waste it.

I have come a long way in dealing with social anxiety – from being extremely self-consious and paranoid; sweating, blushing and feeling overwhelmed in simple social situations to being able to just sit in the middle of the crowd calmly and observe people without feeling awkward or the need to have company.

Recently, I have been focusing on being sensitive to the energy of those around me – cutting out people who are toxic/ bring negative energy into my life. Although it was definitely a step in the right direction, I have realised that the way you distance yourself from people also matters.

When I first identified a friend I made fairly recently started to attempt guilt trapping and making me feel bad, and playing the victim, I decided it was time to let this friendship go.

I started simply ignoring accusations instead of trying to explain myself or try to persuade her why that is not the case. I had the attitude of ‘I don’t give an f I just want to get out of this friendship’. To make matters more complicated, I have grown impatient with not being able to get what I have lent her back after she stood up several times. Expectedly, these have stirred negative emotions in her which has led her to involve her other friends to defend her as the victim in our friendship.

The part in this process which I realised I could have handled in a smarter way is to try achieve the set goal while minimising the involvement of negative emotions of anyone, or avoid so altogether where possible. It is never a good thing to stir up unnecessary negative emotions even with people who have hurt you. Especially when you are trying to move away from friends who are good at playing the victim and are often seen as innocent. These are the most difficult kind of friends to handle as they are often very clever in twisting the story, flipping the script and turning people’s back on you.

I have just watched a youtube video by Marie Dubuque, titled ‘How to politely distance yourself from toxic friends’. In the video she mentioned the best way to do so is to BE busy. Actually start to find other things to do or hang out with other people so you don’t have time for these toxic friends. This way you don’t even have to act busy or lie, it helps you grow and form new friendships while allowing you to naturally distance yourself from people who are not good for you so you get the best of both worlds. I have linked the video at the end of the post. She has a lot other useful videos on various topics I find extremely relevant and useful so definitely check them out!

To summarise, we all make mistakes along the way. Life is about making mistakes, realising the way you currently do something is not working the best and therefore tuning and improving yourself and watch your life get better and better. For this reason, when you meet failures do not blame yourself, see them as opportunities to grow and improve. When circumstances are completely out of your control, do not blame or second guess yourself!

Leave a comment below if you have encountered a similar situation and let us know your experience. If there are any topics you are interested in me expanding in another blog post please let me know. Thank you for reading! X

Marie’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxUvq0q5TS8

Maries’s other channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVHOBoWW_iZPexhtMX-uv8Q